My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
