It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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