Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
