I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize