you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Even my vagina gasped.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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