why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize