I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
