i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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