Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
