I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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