I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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