i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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