why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize