3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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