Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
