you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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