So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
