Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
