I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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