I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
