So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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