happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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