apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
