I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
