I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
