So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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