i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
