Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
