2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize