I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
