thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
