Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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