Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Congratulations! We have a period
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