she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
