I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
