She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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