apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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