Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize