I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
