I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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