My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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