he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
