At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
