I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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