Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
