i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
