If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize