when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
