saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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