I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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