Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
