I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
In America we eat man semen.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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