And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize