you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
