so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
