We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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