My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i think i have herpe
just one?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
