I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
