omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
