all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
