a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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