I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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