if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
