Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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