everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
