If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
