I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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