I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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