Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
