He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
