Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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